I miss writing.
But see, for me, writing is actually putting pen to paper. It's the side of your hand turning blue (especially if you're a leftie like me) to match the color of your pen. It's your skin going all tingly from constantly moving across the paper. But it's not really writing unless it goes on for pages and pages. And it just hasn't struck me lately.
Hm.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
1. I want to be a foster mom one day
2. I am ambidextrous- I write and eat with my left hand, brush my teeth and hold scissors with my right hand
3. I always become too emotionally invested in fictional characters
4. Elephants are my fave
5. I hate and also love the fact that my friends are scattered all over the globe
6. I pretty much always notice when people use incorrect grammar, and it bugs me
7. I have lost count of the books that I am currently reading
8. I have the cutest dogs ever
9. I really don't like being a grown up, and practically speaking I'm only like halfway there
10. I wish I'd retained more about sewing from my home ec class in 8th grade
11. I like wearing sweaters and scarves
12. I still sleep with stuffed animals
13. I like weird indie movies
14. I am legitimately trying to write a book, but I've got to come up with some sort of process cause I'm so overwhelmingly disorganized that most of the time when I try to sit down and write something, I give up before I start
15. It would probably help if I had some sort of document writing software on my computer, which I do not. All of the writing happens on paper, by hand. And then gets misplaced.
16. I do not live under the misconception that I am by any means a good writer or that my "book" will get published one day.
17. I like to make things
18. But I get distracted easily
19. And I'm lazy
20. I would like to learn another language (but there are those problems of 18 and 19 so...)
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
apathy-because I suffer from it a lot of the time
mediocrity-kind of goes along with the first fear. I want my life to be passionate and adventurous, I don't want to get to the end of it and wonder what the point was.
child birth-I think this one's pretty legit without me having to elaborate
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
Uh, well I have great parents. They've always been pretty much supportive of me and I can't complain. I just don't relate to them well, it's hard for me to talk to them and hard for me to live with them a lot of the time too. But I am grateful that they haven't kicked me out of the house, cause I'm poor.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
1. Stop being a selfish brat
2. Being a Christian is more than "being good"
3. Brett will use you, have some self respect and do not let him
4. It's ok that you're always the last of your friends to do everything, that's not going to change any time soon.
5. Lauren hates you right now, but she really will be one of your best friends one day
6. When you meet Sam, don't take his friendship for granted, one day you will ache from the loss of it
7. Your best friends now are still going to be your friends in 10 yrs, no worries.
8. Probably just skip college completely, k? Get a job in a coffee shop instead.
9. You will still be babysitting for the Farrell's in 10 years, it will get better
10. A long time from now, you will meet a guy named Andrew...don't let him be the one to kiss you first, ok?
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
1. "I will never leave you nor forsake you" <~ that promise from God
2. The friends I have that remind me who I am and what my dreams are
3. I am so enormously blessed every day in countless small ways
4. Mail from my YWAM fam!
5. Having the time and the means (sometimes) to be creative
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
Living for 3 months in Nepal. It was for multiple reasons and for things that were going on in my life before I ever got there. I learned a lot about perseverance and giving up any silly notion that I have any control over my life, when God is the one that is in control. I am a planner, and it was impossible to ever plan anything in advance in Nepal. Winging it makes me super uncomfortable most of the time and that's all we ever did.
7. What is your dream job, and why?
See my earlier post about my coffee shop
8. What are 5 passions you have?
1. To see an end to modern day slavery
2. To see people experience the freedom and peace that only Jesus can give
3. To see people treated fairly
4. To live an extraordinary life with a radical faith
5. To show love to children that have only ever been shown/told that they are unwanted
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
1. Sarah Freeman-my team leader for my Faceless International trip to LA in 2009. I credit her for opening my eyes to human trafficking, and for suggesting that I apply to YWAM. Basically I owe her a lot, and I'm very thankful that God brought her into my life.
2. Kelsi Webb-my life long bestie, she is such a godly woman, I look up to her so much. I can't remember any time in my life that she wasn't my friend and some of the best memories that I have are because of her. I could go on for awhile, but I won't.
3. Stan Harwood-talked me into to taking Perspectives back in the day! without that class I would definitely not be the person that I am, I have always believed in God, I was baptized when I was 13, but I consider myself truly becoming a follower of Christ when I took this class 5ish years ago
4. Sam Coons-Hm, I suppose that Sam was a season of my life. We were very close friends for 6 years, and it was a huge test of my faith when he chose to end our friendship. God revealed so much to me about His faithfulness during the healing that took place.
5. Andrew Buechler-do I have to give an explanation for every person? my first boyfriend, taught me a lot about what I do NOT want in a spouse, that what you think you want does not always turn out to be what you actually want, and that I like the person that I am without someone trying to make me someone else
6. My sisters- I think is pretty much a given, when you grow up in the same house with someone they're going to influence the person that you become.
7. Ashley Gardner-One of my best friends, we met...11 years ago I think? Been through a lot together. She has definitely demonstrated to me what true loyalty and unconditional love looks like within a friendship. My fellow Hanson fan and just kindred spirit :) I'm blessed to be considered her best friend
8. Chali Lewis- Another one of my besties! How do people pick just one?? We went through beauty school together, and Perspectives. She has been a huge source of encouragement to me, especially since coming home from NZ, and even while I was there. I'm so grateful that with her own family to take care of, she still takes a genuine interest in my life and makes time to be my friend!
9. Ainsley Kensall-Oh my 6 month roomie. It sounds silly, but I feel like living with Ainsley taught me so much about handling conflict with someone that you love, right away without letting it fester or "letting the sun go down on your anger" I feel like I did a lot of growing up while living with her.
10. Sarah Racine-my lovely small group leader, taught me to be confident about speaking things out during intercession, that God speaks to each of us differently and not to doubt myself
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
I'm not going to describe it in detail. But I definitely burst into tears during our seminar in Nepal while sharing my testimony in front of everyone and then I had to finish teaching while repeating myself multiple times so that the translator could understand me over my crying.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
1. bad grammar
2. being woken up before my alarm goes off
3. being interrupted while I am reading, especially if it's the last page of a book
4. dripping faucets
5. talk radio
6. when people use "lol"
7. any sort of repetitive sound like a ticking clock or a barking dog, especially when trying to sleep
8. t-shirts with foreign languages on them...you don't know what your shirt says, why are you wearing it? Although in Nepal it was pretty funny. I saw an older man wearing a shirt that said "World's Best Aunt"
9. when someone tries to force me to make a decision that also affects them, because they don't want to take responsibility for it
10. toilet paper roll being empty....just put a new one on there
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
Oh goodness, besides waking up and spending about an hour of God time, my days don't consist of whole lot. Usually I have some sort of project that I'm working on while watching my way through a season of something on Netflix. Or I work a 7 hr shift at Target pharmacy, depending on the day
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
1. I am easily distracted, therefore start a lot of things without finishing them
2. I am lazier than I care to admit
3. I tend to more readily believe the negative things people say to me than the positive
4. I tend to worry about things I have no control over
5. I am introverted and have trouble forcing myself into social situations some of the time. This explains why I can go to the same church every week for 9 months and not meet anyone.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
1. I have an insanely good memory
2. I'm pretty good at accents
3. I read really fast
4. I apparently have spiritual gifts in worship, writing and discernment, according to an extensive quiz thing that I took recently
5. I have a pretty extensive background in childcare, which I imagine will be a good strength to have once I am a mom
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
well according to that "lion, beaver, retriever or otter" quiz, I am an otter! And otters are pretty cool. Here is the description:
Otters are petite, engaging creatures overflowing with positive energy. Intelligent and bright, they are also popular, eminently lovable and display the highly developed social skills that typify the small carnivores. Otters mix easily with a wide range of animal personalities.
Lazy? Let's just say easily distracted. Life has so many diversions for the otter that it's impossible to predict how it will fill its day. But when an otter gets focused on a problem, its keen intelligence rises to the challenge and it will not give up until the nut is cracked.
Otters feel entitled to the good things in life and a general sense of well being gives them the confidence to not have to save for the future.
Although intelligent and witty, otters have a tendency to suffer from self-doubt and fear of failure can prevent them from living up to their true potential. Still, they are great problem solvers, with the ability to spend endless hours on abstract or practical challenges. As workers, they are dedicated and capable and always eager for a chance to prove themselves.
Their determination makes otters valuable employees, and although they often feel that their contributions are undervalued they would rather accept lower pay than risk confrontations in their workplace.
Although they are fine motivators otters avoid taking leadership roles, performing better in group situations with their social skills coming in handy when counseling coworkers through their problems. Their dexterous hands are useful in a wide range of careers, and they're ideally suited for work in engineering, advertising, and design.
Seems pretty legit...except for the whole penchant for engineering thing.
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
accomplishments? Um...I suppose graduating from high school and cosmetology school, although I've never had a job where I needed to use either diploma. Definitely graduating from my DTS with YWAM. Remember my most embarrassing moment? I consider finishing that session (while crying) a pretty big accomplishment. Annnd...making it through 3 months in Nepal without throwing up even once!
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
Playing piano, and creating music
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
personally? Sam telling me that it's not worth being my friend anymore, and exemplifying that I simply wasn't worth it when someone else was
in general? it's pretty difficult for me to accept that God loves child molesters/traffickers as much as he loves their victims...I don't know if that's considered a form of forgiveness, but I try to remember that they are his creation as well, they are just very broken.
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
I would live somewhere in which each season gets an equal share of the year (without it going over 90 degrees in the Summer) and ALL of my friends would live close by. This place does not exist.
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
1. My great Uncle Art died when I was 7. I think that was my first experience with someone dying who I saw on a regular basis and knew that I was really going to miss. He was a greeter at our church when I was a kid and my family was late EVERY week. Uncle Art always waited in the foyer for us to arrive so that he could give us all hugs before he went into the sanctuary. Such a sweetie!
2. I remember very fervently praying to God that if we got to choose what age we are in heaven that I wanted to be 7 years old, with my friend Kelsi, and that no matter how much I prayed differently in the future to just not listen
3. I moved from Kentucky to Oklahoma when I was 10
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
Teleporting. I would visit all of my friends. I would say time travel, but that could get really messy.
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
Hopefully married, married and still married.
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
1. Reading-the Reading Rainbow theme song says it all
2. Writing
3. Photography
4. Being crafty
5. I'm just starting this, but geocaching
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
I guess I don't really think it's that different
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
Well I used to have plans to have a reese's pieces party in Heaven with Jesus one day. But since the third party that I made these plans with is no longer my friend and I found out that I can no longer eat Reese's Pieces because they are not manufactured by a fair trade company...I suppose that I would still have dinner with Jesus. I would have Thanksgiving dinner with Jesus. Or pizza, cause pizza's always good. Unless you try to order some at a Nepali restaurant. Then prepare yourself.
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
That divorce is an okay thing.
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
my arms, cause I can hug with them :)
28. What is your love language?
haha, physical touch (see above)
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
That when I'm not talking it doesn't mean that I don't like you or that I'm mad or sad or shy or not listening to the conversation, it just means I don't feel like I have anything worth adding/saying
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.
I don't need to list 10 things
1. Loving Jesus and loving people.
1. I want to be a foster mom one day
2. I am ambidextrous- I write and eat with my left hand, brush my teeth and hold scissors with my right hand
3. I always become too emotionally invested in fictional characters
4. Elephants are my fave
5. I hate and also love the fact that my friends are scattered all over the globe
6. I pretty much always notice when people use incorrect grammar, and it bugs me
7. I have lost count of the books that I am currently reading
8. I have the cutest dogs ever
9. I really don't like being a grown up, and practically speaking I'm only like halfway there
10. I wish I'd retained more about sewing from my home ec class in 8th grade
11. I like wearing sweaters and scarves
12. I still sleep with stuffed animals
13. I like weird indie movies
14. I am legitimately trying to write a book, but I've got to come up with some sort of process cause I'm so overwhelmingly disorganized that most of the time when I try to sit down and write something, I give up before I start
15. It would probably help if I had some sort of document writing software on my computer, which I do not. All of the writing happens on paper, by hand. And then gets misplaced.
16. I do not live under the misconception that I am by any means a good writer or that my "book" will get published one day.
17. I like to make things
18. But I get distracted easily
19. And I'm lazy
20. I would like to learn another language (but there are those problems of 18 and 19 so...)
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
apathy-because I suffer from it a lot of the time
mediocrity-kind of goes along with the first fear. I want my life to be passionate and adventurous, I don't want to get to the end of it and wonder what the point was.
child birth-I think this one's pretty legit without me having to elaborate
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
Uh, well I have great parents. They've always been pretty much supportive of me and I can't complain. I just don't relate to them well, it's hard for me to talk to them and hard for me to live with them a lot of the time too. But I am grateful that they haven't kicked me out of the house, cause I'm poor.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
1. Stop being a selfish brat
2. Being a Christian is more than "being good"
3. Brett will use you, have some self respect and do not let him
4. It's ok that you're always the last of your friends to do everything, that's not going to change any time soon.
5. Lauren hates you right now, but she really will be one of your best friends one day
6. When you meet Sam, don't take his friendship for granted, one day you will ache from the loss of it
7. Your best friends now are still going to be your friends in 10 yrs, no worries.
8. Probably just skip college completely, k? Get a job in a coffee shop instead.
9. You will still be babysitting for the Farrell's in 10 years, it will get better
10. A long time from now, you will meet a guy named Andrew...don't let him be the one to kiss you first, ok?
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
1. "I will never leave you nor forsake you" <~ that promise from God
2. The friends I have that remind me who I am and what my dreams are
3. I am so enormously blessed every day in countless small ways
4. Mail from my YWAM fam!
5. Having the time and the means (sometimes) to be creative
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
Living for 3 months in Nepal. It was for multiple reasons and for things that were going on in my life before I ever got there. I learned a lot about perseverance and giving up any silly notion that I have any control over my life, when God is the one that is in control. I am a planner, and it was impossible to ever plan anything in advance in Nepal. Winging it makes me super uncomfortable most of the time and that's all we ever did.
7. What is your dream job, and why?
See my earlier post about my coffee shop
8. What are 5 passions you have?
1. To see an end to modern day slavery
2. To see people experience the freedom and peace that only Jesus can give
3. To see people treated fairly
4. To live an extraordinary life with a radical faith
5. To show love to children that have only ever been shown/told that they are unwanted
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
1. Sarah Freeman-my team leader for my Faceless International trip to LA in 2009. I credit her for opening my eyes to human trafficking, and for suggesting that I apply to YWAM. Basically I owe her a lot, and I'm very thankful that God brought her into my life.
2. Kelsi Webb-my life long bestie, she is such a godly woman, I look up to her so much. I can't remember any time in my life that she wasn't my friend and some of the best memories that I have are because of her. I could go on for awhile, but I won't.
3. Stan Harwood-talked me into to taking Perspectives back in the day! without that class I would definitely not be the person that I am, I have always believed in God, I was baptized when I was 13, but I consider myself truly becoming a follower of Christ when I took this class 5ish years ago
4. Sam Coons-Hm, I suppose that Sam was a season of my life. We were very close friends for 6 years, and it was a huge test of my faith when he chose to end our friendship. God revealed so much to me about His faithfulness during the healing that took place.
5. Andrew Buechler-do I have to give an explanation for every person? my first boyfriend, taught me a lot about what I do NOT want in a spouse, that what you think you want does not always turn out to be what you actually want, and that I like the person that I am without someone trying to make me someone else
6. My sisters- I think is pretty much a given, when you grow up in the same house with someone they're going to influence the person that you become.
7. Ashley Gardner-One of my best friends, we met...11 years ago I think? Been through a lot together. She has definitely demonstrated to me what true loyalty and unconditional love looks like within a friendship. My fellow Hanson fan and just kindred spirit :) I'm blessed to be considered her best friend
8. Chali Lewis- Another one of my besties! How do people pick just one?? We went through beauty school together, and Perspectives. She has been a huge source of encouragement to me, especially since coming home from NZ, and even while I was there. I'm so grateful that with her own family to take care of, she still takes a genuine interest in my life and makes time to be my friend!
9. Ainsley Kensall-Oh my 6 month roomie. It sounds silly, but I feel like living with Ainsley taught me so much about handling conflict with someone that you love, right away without letting it fester or "letting the sun go down on your anger" I feel like I did a lot of growing up while living with her.
10. Sarah Racine-my lovely small group leader, taught me to be confident about speaking things out during intercession, that God speaks to each of us differently and not to doubt myself
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
I'm not going to describe it in detail. But I definitely burst into tears during our seminar in Nepal while sharing my testimony in front of everyone and then I had to finish teaching while repeating myself multiple times so that the translator could understand me over my crying.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
1. bad grammar
2. being woken up before my alarm goes off
3. being interrupted while I am reading, especially if it's the last page of a book
4. dripping faucets
5. talk radio
6. when people use "lol"
7. any sort of repetitive sound like a ticking clock or a barking dog, especially when trying to sleep
8. t-shirts with foreign languages on them...you don't know what your shirt says, why are you wearing it? Although in Nepal it was pretty funny. I saw an older man wearing a shirt that said "World's Best Aunt"
9. when someone tries to force me to make a decision that also affects them, because they don't want to take responsibility for it
10. toilet paper roll being empty....just put a new one on there
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
Oh goodness, besides waking up and spending about an hour of God time, my days don't consist of whole lot. Usually I have some sort of project that I'm working on while watching my way through a season of something on Netflix. Or I work a 7 hr shift at Target pharmacy, depending on the day
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
1. I am easily distracted, therefore start a lot of things without finishing them
2. I am lazier than I care to admit
3. I tend to more readily believe the negative things people say to me than the positive
4. I tend to worry about things I have no control over
5. I am introverted and have trouble forcing myself into social situations some of the time. This explains why I can go to the same church every week for 9 months and not meet anyone.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
1. I have an insanely good memory
2. I'm pretty good at accents
3. I read really fast
4. I apparently have spiritual gifts in worship, writing and discernment, according to an extensive quiz thing that I took recently
5. I have a pretty extensive background in childcare, which I imagine will be a good strength to have once I am a mom
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
well according to that "lion, beaver, retriever or otter" quiz, I am an otter! And otters are pretty cool. Here is the description:
Otters are petite, engaging creatures overflowing with positive energy. Intelligent and bright, they are also popular, eminently lovable and display the highly developed social skills that typify the small carnivores. Otters mix easily with a wide range of animal personalities.
Lazy? Let's just say easily distracted. Life has so many diversions for the otter that it's impossible to predict how it will fill its day. But when an otter gets focused on a problem, its keen intelligence rises to the challenge and it will not give up until the nut is cracked.
Otters feel entitled to the good things in life and a general sense of well being gives them the confidence to not have to save for the future.
Although intelligent and witty, otters have a tendency to suffer from self-doubt and fear of failure can prevent them from living up to their true potential. Still, they are great problem solvers, with the ability to spend endless hours on abstract or practical challenges. As workers, they are dedicated and capable and always eager for a chance to prove themselves.
Their determination makes otters valuable employees, and although they often feel that their contributions are undervalued they would rather accept lower pay than risk confrontations in their workplace.
Although they are fine motivators otters avoid taking leadership roles, performing better in group situations with their social skills coming in handy when counseling coworkers through their problems. Their dexterous hands are useful in a wide range of careers, and they're ideally suited for work in engineering, advertising, and design.
Seems pretty legit...except for the whole penchant for engineering thing.
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
accomplishments? Um...I suppose graduating from high school and cosmetology school, although I've never had a job where I needed to use either diploma. Definitely graduating from my DTS with YWAM. Remember my most embarrassing moment? I consider finishing that session (while crying) a pretty big accomplishment. Annnd...making it through 3 months in Nepal without throwing up even once!
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
Playing piano, and creating music
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
personally? Sam telling me that it's not worth being my friend anymore, and exemplifying that I simply wasn't worth it when someone else was
in general? it's pretty difficult for me to accept that God loves child molesters/traffickers as much as he loves their victims...I don't know if that's considered a form of forgiveness, but I try to remember that they are his creation as well, they are just very broken.
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
I would live somewhere in which each season gets an equal share of the year (without it going over 90 degrees in the Summer) and ALL of my friends would live close by. This place does not exist.
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
1. My great Uncle Art died when I was 7. I think that was my first experience with someone dying who I saw on a regular basis and knew that I was really going to miss. He was a greeter at our church when I was a kid and my family was late EVERY week. Uncle Art always waited in the foyer for us to arrive so that he could give us all hugs before he went into the sanctuary. Such a sweetie!
2. I remember very fervently praying to God that if we got to choose what age we are in heaven that I wanted to be 7 years old, with my friend Kelsi, and that no matter how much I prayed differently in the future to just not listen
3. I moved from Kentucky to Oklahoma when I was 10
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
Teleporting. I would visit all of my friends. I would say time travel, but that could get really messy.
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
Hopefully married, married and still married.
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
1. Reading-the Reading Rainbow theme song says it all
2. Writing
3. Photography
4. Being crafty
5. I'm just starting this, but geocaching
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
I guess I don't really think it's that different
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
Well I used to have plans to have a reese's pieces party in Heaven with Jesus one day. But since the third party that I made these plans with is no longer my friend and I found out that I can no longer eat Reese's Pieces because they are not manufactured by a fair trade company...I suppose that I would still have dinner with Jesus. I would have Thanksgiving dinner with Jesus. Or pizza, cause pizza's always good. Unless you try to order some at a Nepali restaurant. Then prepare yourself.
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
That divorce is an okay thing.
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
my arms, cause I can hug with them :)
28. What is your love language?
haha, physical touch (see above)
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
That when I'm not talking it doesn't mean that I don't like you or that I'm mad or sad or shy or not listening to the conversation, it just means I don't feel like I have anything worth adding/saying
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.
I don't need to list 10 things
1. Loving Jesus and loving people.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.
Deuteronomy 8:2-3
This would have been a helpful memory verse in Nepal
Deuteronomy 8:2-3
This would have been a helpful memory verse in Nepal
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
I always thought that an "enemy" was someone that I felt antagonistic toward. But according to definition, an enemy is someone that wishes you harm. So I suppose that makes me the enemy. So when I'm meant to pray for my "enemies" who do I pray for? I'll keep praying for the people that I struggle to love, cause I don't want to be their enemy either.
and we refer to Satan as his forces as The Enemy...
and we refer to Satan as his forces as The Enemy...
Thursday, July 12, 2012
I know that hardly anyone reads this, so I'm not really getting the word out there or anything, but I just have to get this off of my chest.
Ok, so I watched a show this week in which the good "Christian" girl lost her virginity before marriage and then freaked out afterward because shewas saving herself for her husband because she "loves Jesus" and "Jesus hates" her now and she's not even sure that he will listen to her prayers anymore. She goes on and on about how,
"I love Jesus so much and I was ashamed to tell anyone before but his relationship was the only one that I could rely on, blah blah blah"
Oh my goodness, I would like to take a moment to clear up any wrongly conceived notions that Hollywood has given to Christianity. If this girl truly had a relationship with Jesus, she would know that there is absolutely nothing that you can do that will ever cause Jesus to stop loving you. He's never going to turn a deaf ear to your prayers, even if you're a serial child molester.
We are all human, we all make human mistakes whether or not we acknowledge or even recognize that a mistake has been made. We have been redeemed and God not only desires, but demands, that we enter his presence with the knowledge that we are INNOCENT and FREE!
It breaks my heart that most of the first world has got it all wrong. Who was it that asked whether or not media gives Christians a bad name? I can't remember but wow, I think the answer is a resounding yes.
Ok, so I watched a show this week in which the good "Christian" girl lost her virginity before marriage and then freaked out afterward because shewas saving herself for her husband because she "loves Jesus" and "Jesus hates" her now and she's not even sure that he will listen to her prayers anymore. She goes on and on about how,
"I love Jesus so much and I was ashamed to tell anyone before but his relationship was the only one that I could rely on, blah blah blah"
Oh my goodness, I would like to take a moment to clear up any wrongly conceived notions that Hollywood has given to Christianity. If this girl truly had a relationship with Jesus, she would know that there is absolutely nothing that you can do that will ever cause Jesus to stop loving you. He's never going to turn a deaf ear to your prayers, even if you're a serial child molester.
We are all human, we all make human mistakes whether or not we acknowledge or even recognize that a mistake has been made. We have been redeemed and God not only desires, but demands, that we enter his presence with the knowledge that we are INNOCENT and FREE!
It breaks my heart that most of the first world has got it all wrong. Who was it that asked whether or not media gives Christians a bad name? I can't remember but wow, I think the answer is a resounding yes.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Wrote this one awhile back, never realized that I didn't publish it:
People keeping asking, how have things been since you've been back? Some of the time I can't tell if they're genuinely interested or if they are just asking a question to fill the space. But I can't complain. Sure, I miss everyone that I met and I miss...well I miss alot of things. Too many to list. But I'm happy to have my own space again. I'm happy to have all of the little things that I took for granted before spending 3 months in a third world country. Things have been better with my parents than they ever have been before. But the thing is, even though I can't complain and I have so much to be thankful for and I've managed to keep myself busy, it just doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel like I'm home and I don't think that it ever will again. It makes sense. We weren't created for this world. We were created for the infinite glory beyond it. And once you've been given a taste of that, nothing here is ever going to suffice again. In Graham Cooke's "Uncommon Love" he tells us that God will never ask us to give something up about ourselves without giving us something better in return. He may take away with one hand, but he holds a gift for you in the other. Graham also pointed out that it's usually something that we don't like about ourselves anyway. Something that we'd like to give up but we don't quite know how to. I was thinking about this the other day, and how true it is. Until the very end. Up until our last breath, God takes our shallow shadow of a life here, to replace it with an eternal one with him. This is only the prologue.
People keeping asking, how have things been since you've been back? Some of the time I can't tell if they're genuinely interested or if they are just asking a question to fill the space. But I can't complain. Sure, I miss everyone that I met and I miss...well I miss alot of things. Too many to list. But I'm happy to have my own space again. I'm happy to have all of the little things that I took for granted before spending 3 months in a third world country. Things have been better with my parents than they ever have been before. But the thing is, even though I can't complain and I have so much to be thankful for and I've managed to keep myself busy, it just doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel like I'm home and I don't think that it ever will again. It makes sense. We weren't created for this world. We were created for the infinite glory beyond it. And once you've been given a taste of that, nothing here is ever going to suffice again. In Graham Cooke's "Uncommon Love" he tells us that God will never ask us to give something up about ourselves without giving us something better in return. He may take away with one hand, but he holds a gift for you in the other. Graham also pointed out that it's usually something that we don't like about ourselves anyway. Something that we'd like to give up but we don't quite know how to. I was thinking about this the other day, and how true it is. Until the very end. Up until our last breath, God takes our shallow shadow of a life here, to replace it with an eternal one with him. This is only the prologue.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
I took this from the status update of a girl I graduated from high school with that is in the hospital right now with her two-yr-old daughter who nearly drowned on June 6th
"Trust me one day at a time. This keeps you close to me, responsive to my will. Exert your will to trust me in all circumstances. Don't let your need to understand distract you from my presence. I will equip you to get through this day victoriously, as you live in deep dependence on me. Tomorrow has enough worry of its own, don't get tangled up in its worry webs. Trust me one day at a time."
Pretty powerful. Definitely makes you think about perspective.
"Trust me one day at a time. This keeps you close to me, responsive to my will. Exert your will to trust me in all circumstances. Don't let your need to understand distract you from my presence. I will equip you to get through this day victoriously, as you live in deep dependence on me. Tomorrow has enough worry of its own, don't get tangled up in its worry webs. Trust me one day at a time."
Pretty powerful. Definitely makes you think about perspective.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
I'm copying and pasting this from my devotional this morning because I'm curious as to what other people think.
Disciples live with not only renouncing their own rights, but even renouncing their own righteousness. They get no credit themselves for what they do and sacrifice.
The only righteousness they can have is in hungering and thirsting for it. They will have neither their own righteousness nor God's righteousness on earth. At all times they look forward to God's future righteousness, but they cannot bring it about by themselves. Those who follow Jesus will be hungry and thirsty along the way. They are filled with longing for forgiveness of all sins and for complete renewal; they long for the renewal of the earth and for God's perfect justice.
If a church renounced its own righteousness, what changes might take place in the way that church relates to other churches, the secular world, and other religions?
Disciples live with not only renouncing their own rights, but even renouncing their own righteousness. They get no credit themselves for what they do and sacrifice.
The only righteousness they can have is in hungering and thirsting for it. They will have neither their own righteousness nor God's righteousness on earth. At all times they look forward to God's future righteousness, but they cannot bring it about by themselves. Those who follow Jesus will be hungry and thirsty along the way. They are filled with longing for forgiveness of all sins and for complete renewal; they long for the renewal of the earth and for God's perfect justice.
If a church renounced its own righteousness, what changes might take place in the way that church relates to other churches, the secular world, and other religions?
Thursday, June 7, 2012
So today the devotional that I'm going through encouraged me to make a list of the things I'm worried about in my journal. I came up with only two things (which is a blessing, of course)
1. Now what??
(which I'm not addressing here...I know it'll be answered eventually and I just need patience)
2. The people in my life that have not experienced a true revelation of God and the freedom that only he can offer, and the daily decisions that they make to keep them from ever having such a revelation.
I know that I have to accept that there is no sense in worrying about these people. The best and only thing that I can do for them is pray to the God that wants the same thing for them as I do, only exponentially more so. And to respect that they have been given free will the same as myself. I can only exemplify what I've done with my freewill and how joyful my life is because of it. In a way that is natural and not forced.
But that got me to thinking. You know how Satan's cleverist trick is to just slightly perverse something, so that it looks right at first, but over time it gradually becomes farther and farther away from the purity it once had? And you know how one of the biggest downfalls of the church is that people are not honest with one another, therefore they are not there for one another-sharing each other's burdens. Instead, everyone puts on a happy face and buries whatever is going on in their lives because they have to put on a front that they have God and therefore have everything under control? I wonder, did this begin with good intentions?? Did someone say, as I just have, "I'm going to let the joy that I've received overflow into my daily life so that others-without this same joy-may experience it, and receive it themselves"? And then over time this mindset was perverted into what I've just described as a cancer in the church?
I don't know, just something to think about. That Satan character is a sneaky guy.
1. Now what??
(which I'm not addressing here...I know it'll be answered eventually and I just need patience)
2. The people in my life that have not experienced a true revelation of God and the freedom that only he can offer, and the daily decisions that they make to keep them from ever having such a revelation.
I know that I have to accept that there is no sense in worrying about these people. The best and only thing that I can do for them is pray to the God that wants the same thing for them as I do, only exponentially more so. And to respect that they have been given free will the same as myself. I can only exemplify what I've done with my freewill and how joyful my life is because of it. In a way that is natural and not forced.
But that got me to thinking. You know how Satan's cleverist trick is to just slightly perverse something, so that it looks right at first, but over time it gradually becomes farther and farther away from the purity it once had? And you know how one of the biggest downfalls of the church is that people are not honest with one another, therefore they are not there for one another-sharing each other's burdens. Instead, everyone puts on a happy face and buries whatever is going on in their lives because they have to put on a front that they have God and therefore have everything under control? I wonder, did this begin with good intentions?? Did someone say, as I just have, "I'm going to let the joy that I've received overflow into my daily life so that others-without this same joy-may experience it, and receive it themselves"? And then over time this mindset was perverted into what I've just described as a cancer in the church?
I don't know, just something to think about. That Satan character is a sneaky guy.
Friday, June 1, 2012
I never wrote my letter to my future self that we were supposed to write during debrief. Ha, oops. So I guess I will not be receiving a letter 4 months from now to mark 6 months from my graduation of DTS. I felt that it was more important to spend that time with the people that I was unsure when/if I'd ever see them again, rather than spend it writing a letter to myself.
I couldn't help this morning feeling as if I am not the same girl that left New Zealand over 2 months ago, and that I would be disappointing that girl. It's a shame really, I liked her.
I feel a bit as if I am losing myself here, spending most of my days alone with no real direction. But what does that say about me if I rely on the people around me to reassure me of who I am? I don't know, the reality is just sinking in that this is never going to get any easier.
I couldn't help this morning feeling as if I am not the same girl that left New Zealand over 2 months ago, and that I would be disappointing that girl. It's a shame really, I liked her.
I feel a bit as if I am losing myself here, spending most of my days alone with no real direction. But what does that say about me if I rely on the people around me to reassure me of who I am? I don't know, the reality is just sinking in that this is never going to get any easier.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
During my time in Nepal, I taught at a seminar about the Father Heart of God. It was definitely one of the most difficult, and I'd even venture as far as to say traumatizing days of outreach. I thought about typing out my lesson and posting it here, but I'm reading a book right now called The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henry Nouwen and he sums my whole message up pretty well:
"God is not the patriarch who stays home, doesn't move, and expects his children to come to him, apologize for their aberrant behavior, beg for fogiveness, and promise to do better. To the contrary, he leaves the house, ignoring his dignity by running toward them, pays no heed to apologies and promises of change, and bring them to the table richly prepared for them."
"God is not the patriarch who stays home, doesn't move, and expects his children to come to him, apologize for their aberrant behavior, beg for fogiveness, and promise to do better. To the contrary, he leaves the house, ignoring his dignity by running toward them, pays no heed to apologies and promises of change, and bring them to the table richly prepared for them."
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
I don't really know how to write to an audience that I'm unaware of, or if I'm even supposed to write as if I'm writing to an audience. So I'm going to write this as if no one is going to read it (which is very possible)
I'm having a hard time recovering from outreach. And I suppose I'm still having trouble putting my thoughts in order from lecture phase. I came to YWAM with hopes of leaving with a clear direction to take. And now I am leaving just as lost as when I came. I have so many ideas of what I want to do, but no ideas as far as what avenue I'm supposed to take to get there. I'm very much a planner, ever since I was a kid and I'd plan out my Halloween costume in September. I like to pay attention to detail, and I like to plan out the details in advance. But something that I've learned here (and in Nepal) is that I can't always plan things. Sometimes stuff is going to happen that I don't expect and can't prevent. Sometimes I just have to jump in, headfirst, on a leap of faith. I think my problem is that when I've done this in the past (moving to Covington, going to cosmetology school, going to OSU) it has always ended in failure. Certainly these failures have had a great part in shaping me into who I am today, and I've learned from my mistakes, and I've met some wonderful people along the way. But I feel like I haven't moved forward in the last 7 years of my life, and I'm not quick to jump into something new with no idea of how it's going to work, to have it end in failure again. We talked last week with Mandy Hudson about how a community of dreams should teach that failure is not something that we should fear, but an opportunity to learn. But when is enough enough?
I learned on outreach, whenever I was in a super low place, that God seems to be taking me through a process of elimination. I need to learn that it's okay when something doesn't work out, it just means that I can cross it off of my list and explore something new. But I'm just tired. I'm ready to find that thing that I'm going be excited to wake up in the morning for. That thing that is going to be a perfect fit, the thing that God created me for.
Everyone keeps telling me, just get out there and do it. And maybe I'm too logical of a thinker, but how?? HOW am I supposed to just make it happen? Where do I even begin?
We were told to spend some time dreaming this past week and I'd like to just get my thoughts down so that I can remember what my dream was at this point in my life. I'm sure it will evolve over time.
So, one day I would like to own or co-own a coffee shop, depending on who I am co-owning with. Wow, I didn't realize how difficult this would be to put down in coherent words.
Let me start with the family that I hope to have one day. When we were in Nepal we met this missionary couple living in Kathmandu. They have two biological sons and two adopted sons. Living in their house with them is a single mother and her 2-year-old daughter, a 17 yr old guy that works on their street kid outreach ministry, and a 17 yr old girl that works for their women at risk ministry. But all of these people belong to their family, they all pray together (including the children) worship together, serve together and respect one another. It was such a beautiful thing to see. And also, during lecture phase we had a speaker that talked about using old testament principles when running a business (or something) and told us about a law firm(?) that took one year off every seven years. I want to do this! I want to take my caravanning, hippie, Jesus-loving, musical family and go traveling for a year every seven years. Probably in a hand-painted trailer that we occasionally park on the side of the road to sell iced tea and coffee.
I want to have a staff that works like a family, I want it to be more than just a job for them, and I don't want it to feel like "work" when they come in. I don't want anyone to wear uniforms. I want a piano and guitars that people can use, and a prayer journal that people can write in, anonymously if they wish. I want to showcase local artwork and musicians and have benefit concerts and screen documentaries and have a worship night once in awhile. I want everything to be fair trade and I'd like to make sure that my customers know why that's important. I've thought of stamping cup sleeves with trafficking statistics. I want a well stocked book shelf, and board games that people can pull out and play (I saw Disney Guess Who in Nepal and it looked sweet as) Oh and I want my customers to know that we really care about them as people. I want to know their names and know about their lives, their families and their jobs. I want them to know that at the end of the day, when they have a choice between coming here and going home to an empty apartment, that there will always be someone around to chat with them, someone that will really listen to them and never judge or try to convert them. (a place like this would have really helped me when I was living on my own and felt like I didn't have anyone to talk to, not even at church)
I want to sell handmade stuff (mostly my own I guess) but I also want to carry SUUBI and Made By Survivors products and any other products that I can that provide a sustainable income for people that are struggling. I want to have cupcakes!! (including gluten free options) And I want to learn how to bake to the point that I can invent my own cupcakes without using a recipe. I think it would be fun to have optional business hours, but not sure how practical that would be. There were quite a few shops that I noticed in northern California that said things like "Business hours: noonish-???"
So yes, there is a smattering of the ideas that I have in my head.
It's strange, I started writing this post in Oxford and because of the whirlwind of activity nearing graduation I had to save it as a draft and now I'm finishing it up in a friend's bedroom in LA. It seems so far away already. I hate hugging someone for the last time when you don't know how long it will be until you see them again. And you try to really experience the moment and remember how it feels to have your arms around someone and how it felt to have their arms around you. But there's just no way to hold onto it really.
I'm having a hard time recovering from outreach. And I suppose I'm still having trouble putting my thoughts in order from lecture phase. I came to YWAM with hopes of leaving with a clear direction to take. And now I am leaving just as lost as when I came. I have so many ideas of what I want to do, but no ideas as far as what avenue I'm supposed to take to get there. I'm very much a planner, ever since I was a kid and I'd plan out my Halloween costume in September. I like to pay attention to detail, and I like to plan out the details in advance. But something that I've learned here (and in Nepal) is that I can't always plan things. Sometimes stuff is going to happen that I don't expect and can't prevent. Sometimes I just have to jump in, headfirst, on a leap of faith. I think my problem is that when I've done this in the past (moving to Covington, going to cosmetology school, going to OSU) it has always ended in failure. Certainly these failures have had a great part in shaping me into who I am today, and I've learned from my mistakes, and I've met some wonderful people along the way. But I feel like I haven't moved forward in the last 7 years of my life, and I'm not quick to jump into something new with no idea of how it's going to work, to have it end in failure again. We talked last week with Mandy Hudson about how a community of dreams should teach that failure is not something that we should fear, but an opportunity to learn. But when is enough enough?
I learned on outreach, whenever I was in a super low place, that God seems to be taking me through a process of elimination. I need to learn that it's okay when something doesn't work out, it just means that I can cross it off of my list and explore something new. But I'm just tired. I'm ready to find that thing that I'm going be excited to wake up in the morning for. That thing that is going to be a perfect fit, the thing that God created me for.
Everyone keeps telling me, just get out there and do it. And maybe I'm too logical of a thinker, but how?? HOW am I supposed to just make it happen? Where do I even begin?
We were told to spend some time dreaming this past week and I'd like to just get my thoughts down so that I can remember what my dream was at this point in my life. I'm sure it will evolve over time.
So, one day I would like to own or co-own a coffee shop, depending on who I am co-owning with. Wow, I didn't realize how difficult this would be to put down in coherent words.
Let me start with the family that I hope to have one day. When we were in Nepal we met this missionary couple living in Kathmandu. They have two biological sons and two adopted sons. Living in their house with them is a single mother and her 2-year-old daughter, a 17 yr old guy that works on their street kid outreach ministry, and a 17 yr old girl that works for their women at risk ministry. But all of these people belong to their family, they all pray together (including the children) worship together, serve together and respect one another. It was such a beautiful thing to see. And also, during lecture phase we had a speaker that talked about using old testament principles when running a business (or something) and told us about a law firm(?) that took one year off every seven years. I want to do this! I want to take my caravanning, hippie, Jesus-loving, musical family and go traveling for a year every seven years. Probably in a hand-painted trailer that we occasionally park on the side of the road to sell iced tea and coffee.
I want to have a staff that works like a family, I want it to be more than just a job for them, and I don't want it to feel like "work" when they come in. I don't want anyone to wear uniforms. I want a piano and guitars that people can use, and a prayer journal that people can write in, anonymously if they wish. I want to showcase local artwork and musicians and have benefit concerts and screen documentaries and have a worship night once in awhile. I want everything to be fair trade and I'd like to make sure that my customers know why that's important. I've thought of stamping cup sleeves with trafficking statistics. I want a well stocked book shelf, and board games that people can pull out and play (I saw Disney Guess Who in Nepal and it looked sweet as) Oh and I want my customers to know that we really care about them as people. I want to know their names and know about their lives, their families and their jobs. I want them to know that at the end of the day, when they have a choice between coming here and going home to an empty apartment, that there will always be someone around to chat with them, someone that will really listen to them and never judge or try to convert them. (a place like this would have really helped me when I was living on my own and felt like I didn't have anyone to talk to, not even at church)
I want to sell handmade stuff (mostly my own I guess) but I also want to carry SUUBI and Made By Survivors products and any other products that I can that provide a sustainable income for people that are struggling. I want to have cupcakes!! (including gluten free options) And I want to learn how to bake to the point that I can invent my own cupcakes without using a recipe. I think it would be fun to have optional business hours, but not sure how practical that would be. There were quite a few shops that I noticed in northern California that said things like "Business hours: noonish-???"
So yes, there is a smattering of the ideas that I have in my head.
It's strange, I started writing this post in Oxford and because of the whirlwind of activity nearing graduation I had to save it as a draft and now I'm finishing it up in a friend's bedroom in LA. It seems so far away already. I hate hugging someone for the last time when you don't know how long it will be until you see them again. And you try to really experience the moment and remember how it feels to have your arms around someone and how it felt to have their arms around you. But there's just no way to hold onto it really.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
I'm home-ish from Nepal. Sleeping on the floor of the ghetto classroom and trying to take in all of the differences that the base has seen since I have left. I purposely didn't make any blog posts while I was in Nepal, because I noticed that no one was really reading my blog, and it was discouraging enough being there without that added. Plus, I didn't have a lot of good things to say while I was there and I didn't want word getting out to my financial supporters that I was hating Outreach. It was definitely the hardest 3 months of my life, and admittedly I was unhappy most of the time. But I'm thankful for the experience and I know that there are still so many lessons to be learned in the weeks, months and even years to come. I'm hoping that I have clearer feelings by the end of debrief, because right now I don't really know what to think. I did, however, want to share something that I wrote (inspired by the Holy Spirit?) during a time of intercession in Nuwakot while reading Isaiah 61.
In verse 3 it says "you will give them a crown of beauty for ashes"
When in mourning, the Israelites would tear their clothes and put ashes on their heads/faces. So God is taking away their mourning and replacing it with a beautiful symbol of honor.
But, ash is also what's left when something has been destroyed. When you come before God and all that is left of yourself is a pile of ashes-you acknowledge to God that you allowed the fire to consume you. Whatever it was, you chose destruction instead of Him. You hold your trembling hands before you with only ashes to offer him and He doesn't scoff, he doesn't say "it's too late for you, you allowed yourself to be consumed by your flesh and now there's nothing left." He takes the ashes and gives you a crown, he makes you a co-heir with Christ, the same way the father took the prodigal's offer to be a slave and gave him sandals for his feet and a ring for his finger.
In verse 3 it says "you will give them a crown of beauty for ashes"
When in mourning, the Israelites would tear their clothes and put ashes on their heads/faces. So God is taking away their mourning and replacing it with a beautiful symbol of honor.
But, ash is also what's left when something has been destroyed. When you come before God and all that is left of yourself is a pile of ashes-you acknowledge to God that you allowed the fire to consume you. Whatever it was, you chose destruction instead of Him. You hold your trembling hands before you with only ashes to offer him and He doesn't scoff, he doesn't say "it's too late for you, you allowed yourself to be consumed by your flesh and now there's nothing left." He takes the ashes and gives you a crown, he makes you a co-heir with Christ, the same way the father took the prodigal's offer to be a slave and gave him sandals for his feet and a ring for his finger.
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